I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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