from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
