Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
