had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
