maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
