I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
