I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
