Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize