i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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