Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
