do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
