I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
did i just pee glitter
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
