Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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