Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I didn't notice because vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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