Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
