So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
