Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
