We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
