I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
