sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Vodka?
Forever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
