This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
