maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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