I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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