My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
