he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
