bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
