Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
