matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize