xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
