I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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