I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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