She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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