His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
