for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
