My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
