Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
