Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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