I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
