are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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