DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
