am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I touched a dick in church today
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
