why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
