I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize