What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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