Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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