Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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