We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize