He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
