I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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