So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
