My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize