He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
