yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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