i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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