her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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