Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
