btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
