Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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