Your face is a jimmy john
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
