i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
