you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
