I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
