I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
