So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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