ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
