We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
