direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
