i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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