I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize