But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
