some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
