Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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