I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
