You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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