After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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