I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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