i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
