He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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