so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
