TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
