I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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