That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
