she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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