First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
