I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize