all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
