I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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