we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
