Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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