Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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