More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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