wat bout pragnant strippers??
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
