I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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