i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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