just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
