glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
