i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
