Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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