You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
