You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
