He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
