i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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