so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
