I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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