I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
