we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
