so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
