i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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