pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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