Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
