i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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